6.10.09

contentment...


just wanted to write a few words about some of the breakthroughs i have been experiencing lately. thank you to everyone who has said prayers, encouraged, and guided me thus far. thank you to my eternal Pai, who sent his Son and his Spirit to enlighten the darkened areas of my heart.

-growth happens in community. and sometimes our community options don't seem quite like those we may have chosen for ourselves, but goodness can we be surprised. i love the community the Father has placed me in here; it only took me 12 months to realize i was already IN one.

-sometimes we can't control the way we feel...but by seeking help outside ourselves, we can find the ever-elusive contentment amidst difficulty.

-i've been realizing how my yielding to His authority allows Him to be God and me to be human. it's the same with grace. when i stop being my own judge, He is able to judge me with grace and the great depth of His mercy.

-some measure of dependency on others is healthy, and IDEAL. yeah yeah, i know, it's just not american. haha. what if i were to propose that rigid independence is contrary to God's desires for us? i came from a family that champions independence...turns out it's really tiring to strive for it, and more fulfilling to humbly allow others to assist in time of need.

-it's not about what i DO here. honestly, my daily life doesn't measure up to western expectations. i'm ok with that. i'm just trying to be a believer, living among them. my interest is what HE is doing.

-sometimes distance is too hard for people. and that's ok. and i bet those friendships will be just fine. and i am increasingly thankful for those who faithfully reach out to me during my time here.

alright, i just wrote a lot more than i intended to. but it feels good.

(the image above is from this summer also. this girl is the sister of the girl below. i love her youth in the photo.)

23.9.09

eden...


i've always liked the idea of eden...it is the union of humanity's first experiences of beauty and heartache. other glimpses of eden in daily life seem to be just as compelling to me, such as autumn. autumn often reminds me of innocent youth and memories, while also carrying the gloom of winter's unmet difficulties. perhaps it is my own melancholic nature, but joy seems most genuine when measured against the hardships that precede it. so here's to eden and autumn, pillars of holistic emotion...

(i took the above photo this summer. there was something about this girl's expression, it was the same in every frame. made me think that she had experienced both sides of eden at an early age...it actually made me really sad.)

24.6.09

if you think of it...

maybe you could say a prayer for me around dinner time (stateside) this summer? tonight is my first night alone in the apartment...emily has packed up her things and will fly out tomorrow morning. there is a lot going through my head and heart these days, and i would really covet your prayers during the evening hours.

i have lived alone for one summer before, but it sure feels different being in another country and living alone. lots of tears. like crying in the shower the other day when i realized i can't get a sunburn on my back anymore because no one is around to put lotion on afterward. silly, painful thoughts like that.

the Father is gracious, abounding in mercy. His plans for me are good. Pai, please be the Joy of my heart this summer.