Prior to this new understanding of God's grace in my life, I approached religion and the Christian lifestyle with misdirected attitudes. I considered biblical principles to be rules, and my failure to comply slapped a 2" by 6" piece of duct tape on my forehead: "UNWORTHY." My inability to get myself together fueled a constant fear of making mistakes and being exposed as the imposter among truly holy individuals.
My fear of failure and discouragement often silenced my desires to speak about Christ, take risks, or attempt new endeavors. Frequently I would avoid doing good things because I did not want to be hypocritical. Others may not have noticed any hypocrisy, but in my heart I felt the dichotomous nature between who I was (messed up) and who I wanted to be (a Christ-follower).
But the Gospel changes everything. Literally, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. My pastor uses four points to guide the prayers of Summit church members. As these tenants have gradually permeated my heart, I've begun to believe them. The result: freedom and joy. Freedom to live and love unhindered by my own, blatant shortcomings. Joy to celebrate this life in Him. Christ is sufficient and abundant in me.
1. In Christ, there is nothing I could do to make You love me more; nothing I have done that makes You love me less.
2. You are all I need today for everlasting joy.
3. As You have been to me, so I will be to others.
4. As I pray, I'll measure Your compassion by the cross and Your power by the resurrection.
About three months ago, I was standing in a worship service at Summit and experienced something beyond my wildest dreams. For most of my life, I was painfully aware of my sin and doubt during worship. But on that evening, I realized God had caused my heart to truly rejoice in liberty and His grace. I felt a joy in my heart unlike any I had felt before. I know this joy is abiding, unshakeable, and able to cast off the gloom of my first nature. I praise my Savior for doing the impossible in my life: ushering in joyfulness by impacting the very core of my need.
I entitled this series "Breaking the Silence" because of a song I found recently that seems to express my experience over these last two years. The chorus, in particular, conveys my hopelessness turned into worship, by the grace of God.
Chorus of "Wonderful" by Christy Nockels
And my life will burn for you,
Because your light shined in the darkness,
I was hopeless, and you lifted up my head
To sing for joy,
With a song that broke the silence of my worship,
Now I'm singing all the day
And forevermore, you will be adored,
'Cause you are wonderful.
>There have been a number of individuals who have walked beside me these last two years, to which I owe a lifetime of thanks:
Hannah and Mark: for forgiveness and grace
Gabri: for processing through my sorrow and joy
Bobby and Allison: for inviting me to participate in true community
Carole: for teaching me life is not so serious afterall
Justin: for friendship saturated in forgiveness and understanding
Mitch and Allyson: for seeing the changes in me
3 comments:
This is completely awesome. I've been praying for you, friend, since AGM in Spain especially. I love you, girl and it fills my heart to read these words of precious redemption.
Thank you so much for praying for me, Rebekah. I had no idea you were, but I am grateful for you and others like you who have been a vital part of God's work in me! Love you much.
Love you dearly and love getting to see the written word of your journey. Your heart is unlike any other and I am blessed to have you. You are my joy Carolina :) Love you so deeply.
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